Drink You Gone
by BeaconMarker
Summary: Tina stops hearing back from Newt, so she tries to forget him, just as he’s forgotten her. Inspired by Drink You Gone by Ingrid Michaelson.
1. Memories

_I still feel your hand in mine_

 _Think I need much more than time_

Tina Goldstein was used to a racing heart.

Endless hours of training and hundreds of missions had almost desensitized her to the rush of adventure, but nothing could've prepared her for the absolute chaos Newt Scamander would cause.

First he was suspicious. His demeanor seemed shifty, so she followed him. Rightfully so. He was reckless, using magic as haphazardly as he did, in a building full of No-Majs no less!

Then he was kind. He covered for her when Abernathy came for her over the Second Salemers. Maybe Abernathy didn't believe them, but the gesture was nice nonetheless.

Next he was inconsiderate. She and Queenie opened up their flat to Newt and Jacob, and as soon as he got the chance he ran off, and dragged the No-Maj with him. She had only been trying to help, and this is how he responds?

After that he was amazing. She was an Auror. She could always find a way out of a tricky situation, but as Bernadette walked her down the hall to the execution room, she felt utterly hopeless for the first time ever. As she was dragged through the process leading to her own death, she stared down into the hazardous potion she knew all too well from training. She was almost ready to get in, when suddenly everything became clear again. Where she was, what was happening, and him. And seconds later she was in his arms, her heart pounding in a way it hadn't in years. He took her hand and they ran, as far and as fast as they could before finding Queenie, Jacob, and his case.

Soon after, he was brave. He put himself in harms way for Credence. He faced Graves directly, although he knew he'd be overpowered.

Finally, he was sweet. He said goodbye to her in person. He stayed with her until the last moment possible. He tucked a stray hair behind her ear, that small touch electrifying them both. He promised to return to her. Then he left.

They sent each other letters for a long while after. They were tentative at first, nothing but greetings and cordiality, until something snapped and they shared everything. They each waited eagerly for the other to respond, desperate for a piece of the other.

Until one day Tina stopped hearing back.


	2. Habits

_I can't drink you gone_

 _I can't smoke you out_

 _I can't eat away the way that you ate my heart out_

Coffee cups upon coffee cups piled up by the sink.

Tina felt guilty just leaving them out, but she knew Queenie didn't mind cleaning them up. She'd drink her coffee at the speed of light and just leave the dregs in the ceramic cup right there on the table. After that she'd grab her coat and bolt to work; sometimes before Queenie was even awake. She didn't want to have to explain.

She even began practicing basic occlumency to keep her uncontrollably insightful sister in the dark. She didn't want her seeing what had run repeatedly through her head for the past two weeks.

She was on her way home to pen another letter. It had been a few weeks since she'd heard from Newt, but she wrote that off as a side effect of his busy schedule. She smiled to herself as she thought about seeing him again. His publication date was so close. She thought about his freckles and his broad smile, and how he radiated the few times she got to see it.

Then she spotted it. His face... on a magazine?

She swerved off of her path and over to Ruby's desk where the pale green copy of _Spellbound_ lay. "Hey, Ruby, could I take a look-" she began, but abandoned all hopes of niceness when she saw the bold title: **_BEAST TAMER NEWT TO WED._ **Before Ruby knew what happened, Tina had snatched the magazine and stormed off to her office.

It couldn't be. She sat slowly at her desk, looking warily at the newspaper, tears threatening to cross the threshold and come careening down her cheeks. She slowly flipped to page four, where she saw an all too familiar face leaned against Newt's arm. She didn't even need to read the article. That gorgeous face had been burned in her brain since the moment she saw it framed in Newt's hut.

That was the moment her tears' threat came to fruition. It was the end of the day, so hardly anyone was left at MACUSA to hear her crying loud and long in her office.

By the time she collected herself it was dark out. She conjured a mirror and stared into her own haggard face. Her hair was a mess, and her face was red as roses, but not nearly as happy. How was she to face Queenie? _We'll cross that bridge when we get there,_ she thought.

She used the walk home to try to make herself presentable, but to no avail. She walked into her flat as messy and red as she was ten minutes before, and was instantly greeted by Queenie's concern.

"Hey, Teen," she started, "you're home late." Tina saw her sister focus and immediately threw up walls to keep her out of her head. Queenie had kept it secret that she was seeing Jacob, so she didn't get to know about the storm surging in Tina's heart.

The room grew stale.

"The food's gone cold," Queenie said softly, turning away.

"It's fine," Tina muttered in response. "I'm not hungry. Goodnight," she added, and turned on her heel to make for the bedroom.

Queenie watched her stomp away, noticing the crumpled papers in her fist. She decided to leave her alone for awhile.

Tina sat on the edge of her bed, winded. It was odd; all she had done was walk home. Stupid emotions.

She let the pages she ripped from the magazine fall to the floor and kicked them under the bed. She couldn't make herself throw them away, but she didn't want to look at them anymore.

She flopped back onto the bed and resumed crying, her innermost thoughts attacking her like wizards at war. Where did she go wrong? _Maybe I misunderstood,_ she mused, thinking about all the kind words she'd devoured with her eyes, every week overflowing with excitement at the sight of his messy scrawl hanging from the beak of a tawny owl. _Lies, all of it._

He told her he missed her and he couldn't stop thinking about her. He told her stories of his childhood and of his relationships with his family. They had learned a lot about each other in the past months. Apparently not enough.

 _That's what I get, wasting my time on someone who isn't even here._ The face that taunted her even while Newt was with her in New York slipped back into her mind. _Of all the people to leave me for, why did it have to be her?_

All of the insecurities she'd built up throughout her lifetime came rushing back. She sobbed again, and turned over to use the pillow to muffle the sounds of her despair. She prayed Queenie couldn't hear her through the heavy wooden door.

The door outside of which Queenie was sifting through the day's mail, and her eyes clapped onto the concerning headline on this month's edition of her favorite magazine.


	3. Visits

_Like a sinking ship while the band plays on_

Six weeks had passed since Newt's engagement announcement.

Five weeks and six days had passed since Tina decided to finally humor the fellow Auror that had been relentlessly asking her out.

 _Who's stopping me now?_

His name was Achilles Tolliver and he was very kind. He was sweet, considerate, and romantic. He was perfect on paper-but he wasn't Newt.

Newt never took her to dinner or brought her flowers, and he certainly never kissed her. He never even came back to the states as he promised he would. He just cut all ties and ran off with an old flame.

She was glad Achilles wasn't Newt.

 _Just keep telling yourself that._

Behind the bitterness, Tina was hurting. She knew it was ridiculous. It had been six whole weeks, she should be over it by now, but she just couldn't get Newt out of her head. Ever.

She thought of him every day without fail.

She couldn't help it, no matter how guilty she felt. She was going steady with Achilles and she liked him a lot, really, she did!

He wasn't Newt, but for the time being, he made her feel wanted.

He walked her home from work every day, never coming inside for fear of death by Esposito, but gave her a peck and told her he'd see her tomorrow. She enjoyed their walks. They'd talk about work, their latest missions, their favorite books... everything under the sun. They got along famously.

Today where they normally took the right turn to Tina's brownstone, Achilles gently tugged her hand and with a curious smile, she followed him left.

"Where are we going?"

"Nowhere in particular," he said, "I just wanted to be with you a little longer."

Tina smiled softly and held his hand a little harder, looking down at their intertwined fingers. Their hands gently swayed to and fro as they walked, not too fast, enjoying the crisp afternoon air. As they approached the harbor a few blocks later, Tina began to slow, and let her hand slip from Achilles' grip.

"Something wrong?" He reached to reclaim her hand.

"No," she said quickly, deflecting his hand and moving forward, "I'm fine." She flashed him a smile. Masking her pain had recently become her specialty, a talent almost.

Achilles was completely unaware of the memories this place held for his partner. This is where she said the last words in person to a man she fell for far too quickly and recklessly. She returned to the very dock Newt left on dozens of times after he left. She'd read his letters there, remembering his shy smile, the way the hair in his eyes couldn't keep her from seeing how he looked at her. She'd read his new words where they spoke the old ones. After it ended, she swore to never return here. She'd rather travel by magical means.

They walked under the shelter, slightly farther apart than before. Tina in her own little world, Achilles sneaking glances at her, only wondering what in the world could have changed her attitude so quickly.

When they finally reach Newt's loading dock, Tina stops cold.

"Okay, Tina," Achilles finally bursts out, "Something's obviously upsetting you. What is it? Have I done something?"

He steps closer to her and reaches to tuck a stray hair behind her ear.

The moment his fingertips graze her cheek, she remembers Newt's hands. His scars. His freckles. The way it felt when he did the very same thing happening now.

Except right now, she loathes it.

She steps away abruptly, eyes wild, and lets her feet carry her from under the harbor's shelter out into the city streets, faster, faster, no stopping until she's reached the front door of her building six blocks later. Up the stairs, through the living room, past Queenie, into the bedroom.

Once the door slides shut she sinks to the floor, head held in her hands. Her thumb runs across her cheekbone, recreating the very action that set her off minutes ago. That memory was sacred. Pure. She hadn't even known she'd cherished it until it shattered.

How many times had she wished to be back in that place, a man tucking away a strand of her runaway hair?

No-not just a man. That was the problem. She wanted _Newt_.


	4. Dreams

_When I dream you're there,_

 _I can't even sleep you gone_

Sunday night he stepped off the boat.

Monday night he walked to her apartment.

Tuesday night he said hello.

Wednesday night he laced his fingers between hers.

Thursday night they walked around the city.

Friday night he kissed her.

Saturday night the morning sun lit his features in the bed next to her.

Every morning Tina woke up alone.

Despite being linked to another, Newt Scamander occupied her mind day and night. No matter how many times she tried to push the thoughts away, they always resurfaced when she had no control.

Everything she saw reminded her of him. In their short time together they ended up adventuring and making memories in every corner of the city, and much of their time was spent in her place of work. Everywhere reminded her of him. Not ideal.

 _I have to get away._

As if by fate, over the next few days she began to hear whispers around the Department of Aurors. She listened in and heard a name that she recognized with a twinge of sadness.

"That kid Credence. He's gone to France." one hushed voice said."

"I thought he died after the mess he caused a few months ago?" said another.

"We all did. Poor bastard stuck around."

 _Credence is alive._

 _Credence is in France._

Tina had no hesitation about what was to come next. She could get away from the city, away from the dreams of an awkward magizoologist, and get another chance to save Credence.

She left a note on her desk that read:

 _Out for a few weeks. Family emergency._

 _-Porpentina_

She scrambled home and within the hour had packed her bags and arranged magical transport to Paris. She left without a goodbye to her landlord, her boyfriend, or her sister. To be fair, however, she and her sister weren't really talking.

The next morning she awoke, and gazed out the window overlooking the streets of Paris. She patted the bed next to her, expecting to find Newt there…

Another dream. She curled up in the bed, head in her hands.

 _This will end eventually. It has to._

Two weeks passed. Much had changed. Tina had contacted Queenie. It was only a postcard, but it was a step. She missed her sweet sister.

She had a new haircut and a wardrobe change. She was practically a brand new woman. The only thing that remained was a heart too big for her chest.

The dreams still persisted, and she figured out what she needed. She needed closure.

She needed to see him.


	5. Closure

_How do broken hearts get strong?_

 _Tell me, how do broken hearts get strong?_

Last night was a blur, and Tina hadn't even been drinking. She remembered seeing Credence at the circus. She was so close - and then the whole thing went up in flames. Literally. The circus lit up, the creatures scrambled for freedom, and everyone scattered, screaming in terror. As the chaos waned, she approached the ringleader, determined to get her answers and complete her mission.

"The boy with the Maledictus, what do you know about him?"

No response. She follows him as he begins to climb into his wagon and he caves.

"He's looking for his mother," he sighs, "all my freaks think they can go home."

He turns and rides off into the night, saying nothing more than "Okay, let's go!" to the horses pulling his carriage.

As she watches his not-so-noble retreat, the hair on the back of her neck prickles and she turns to see a man staring at her, saying nothing.

Minutes later at a cafe, they discuss poetry and prophecies, then everything goes black.

She returns to a hazy consciousness in a dim and dank cell. The glances around and the stone walls and the thin canal running through the room. Is she underground? She sees the man - Yusuf Kama, he said his name was - on the other side of the bars. He says nothing, and turns away. She doesn't bother calling out.

For hours she wanders the cell, taking note of every minor detail the way she was trained, searching desperately for a way out. She tried to run her arms through the bars and pick the lock with a hairpin, but the space was too small for her to manoeuvre. She noticed a hefty wooden chest full of papers and sifter through it. After a few more laps around the dingy cell, she sat back down on the bricks and sighed. This wasn't the first time she'd been in a situation like this, but at least before she was on familiar terrain. Why did she decide to go to Paris after 20-plus years of never leaving New York?

 _Oh right. Justice._

She lays back and drifts off to sleep.

She hears footsteps and as someone clears their throat, she scrambles to her feet.

"Tina."

He found her. Of _course_ he found her.

Jacob gives her a goofy salute.

"Newt," she breathes. Every vicious thought she'd had about him in the past months left with that sigh, and it made room for the love to seep back in. Her chest felt full- something she'd been missing since he left.

However, as always happens when they're together, chaos erupts and now they're trapped together. She doesn't worry. They'll find a way out.

And every word he speaks puts another gentle stitch in her once broken heart.


End file.
